I hold my breath

tight as a ever

grasping oxygen

so close..thy heavy eyes

let thyself drunk

into intoxicated show

Drama...play..

whatever thy may called it

dripping rain from thy eye bank

bloody rage from thy rotten heart

witnessed by blind eyes

poor thee...spare thyself 

screaming so loud 

sobbing as delightful as laughing

heard by deaf ears

monotone..

poor thee..spare thyself

So I witnessed thy hypnotized skull

from afar thrilled by fear

could hardly show 

any trace of emotion...

so cold and cruel

she is not a lunatic

like what the people asserts

nevertheless...

I am a helpless witness

too afraid to move forward

to walk thy out from that speculation

Letting thyself disguise 

by fake persona

a fool that let thyself suicide 

those brave heart..

What are you now?

 a cowardice weeping

over and over again

trying to be someone else.

wewen's voice

Kinabalu's Heart

so high beneath the clouds

so cold the dancing breeze it mingle

so mighty from every distance

Kinabalu..Mount Kinabalu

Numb as it grow higher

- day by day

probably too much to hold inside

could only swallow those lava

bear the furious hotness of temper

unspeakable..untold..unseen

despite of its cruel nature

- plainly useless 

it spread warmness through the flowing Hot Spring

it throws mud volcano around to froze every veins

at the very end...eating all the leftover sickness

the very core of Kinabalu's heart

where all the spirits seek refuge

the pride of Sabahan

no one ever care

it cry for help

- H E L P

wewen's voice

vast heart ache

I want to pour everything into poetry

so deep, it hardly tell the right wording

heart ache never too simple nor complex

indescribable, the nature that bind it.

More workloads to be done. more good times I'am missing out. more feelings broke. I'm tired..exhausted like never before. self needs were abandoned. and where are you when I need you?? nowhere to be found. He..who spoke to me through my veins, angelic..whispers day by day just to make sure I'am living well and so I never forget I'am still standing on the earth.

I woke up and it takes time for me to digest..what am I doing just now? why did I lay down with my telekong..I saw Al-Quran right beside me. oh I thought I was dreaming. Nay..its not! I came back to reality where I forgot what did I do before I woke up with confusion. so I guess I must be praying before and maybe didn't realize I fell asleep. So the only way for me to comfort myself right now is by guessing the things that I forgot...

I pray I pray I pray that this is just temporary...I am too young and never get to enjoy my life yet. I am anti-social, confined in my room, rarely go out..yeah I never get to enjoy myself to the fullest so it is okay if I forgot all the bad things that caused pain in my chest but not the basic things that is crucial in my daily life.

 

Strangely Familiar

How strange..the thing that I'm afraid the most is happening. My memories was covered up by a veil, almost too thick that I hardly recall anything. I've seen some part but blurred. How? why? I can't figure out why it is happening. The memories from my childhood, teens life, gradually fading..even the recent years, I'm starting to forget one by one.

yesterday, I accidentally met a guy whom existence used to be meaningful to me. Just yesterday I realized, I kind of forgetting how he looks like. Even worst he is right in front of me and I wonder who is this guy? I think I saw him somewhere..but where? Did I know him? he seems familiar? he looked at me with a familiar stare..so I tried my best to recall as I just passed by his side naturally, not feeling anything..then aft a few minutes I remember;

"oh, isn't he my crush..oh correction was once my crush? " I'm asking myself.

however, I thought I'm not sure because I could not remember much about his features other than being short and small.. his face is slightly similar..maybe? I looked back unknowingly and he did too..surprisingly like a dejavu it struck me..yes it is him.

There's a melancholic air as soon as our eyes met, I looked at him emotionless, he looked at me with the same way he always did. I felt like something is missing..and then I realized something is wrong because no more excited pounding within me, no more blushing..just empty..very empty. much worst I forgot how I felt back then towards him. empty as I tried to recall..I couldn't reach the black box. feels so near to grab and open it..but empty, box that sealed my memories is empty.

Luckily I still remember my family and my close friends...yes for now. Somehow losing my memories is like deleting my past, I don't have to hang on to them forever. It cast away my sad & happy moment. No worries, I just have to create a new one and hopefully this weird occurrences is just temporary and has nothing to do with brain disease.

Allah, spare me!

Temporary files

I kind of forgot things easily, I realized it way back before. oh at first I thought it was just another product of ignorance because probably my brain keep on deleting some files because I don't think it is important enough. however, I think it's getting worst, I forgot my phone number (rare), I even forgot my timetable even though the class and venue never changed except it follows the same rotation every week.

what could be worse? I forgot name..oh yeah this is normal..the thing is I'm afraid that one day I'll lose all my memories, tracing them back would be another trouble, now I'm starting to forget faces too..recently, I felt that my mind is kind of empty..very unusual..I have to look at my notebook just to confirmed my daily routines..whenever something came across my mind or I felt like I've been through this before, it really feels like Dejavu.

I'm sad...a person without memories is like a blank paper. maybe there is a reason why this is happening to me..God knows why. He put me in this situation for some reason, hopefully I'll find out later..If one day I wake up and the world that I used to live in became a strange place for me, so there, the climax..

Beware bitchy!

Hey ho! look..I MUST put it here, sharing an awesome laughing stock. LOL this is too much, too funny and insane like seriously peeps. I grabbed it from Tumblr and yeah it made my day--- Cheer up for veges dino!!

xoxo,
Wewen