I'm gonna rambling around for nothing..I mean meaningless stuff. Apparently my mental state is not stable..guess what, I looked at my wrist for the 30th times today imagining that I slit it and for a while forget about the depression and focused on the sweet pain. why? sweet pain? lulz..I knew, I got that scary side similar to mental illness that whenever I got angry or overly depressed, I find that pains was quite amusing as it soothed this soul of mind..
I'm so desperate to tailed escapism..I just couldn't find any other way..but honestly I am clever enough to know that I should not encounter stupidity as I will end up regretting it later..however do believe that I had killed myself so many times in that imaginary box locked up inside my messed up mind.
This small memory of mine is overload already and it was occupied with tons of rigid dirt and rubbish..huh! I should get rid of it..Escapism only works for a while..maybe I should replace it with flowery-blossoming stuff that can lighten up my day..I must!
Fathomless as always..those people keep on adding more. so, every time I felt relief another one come over. Give me some space to breathe please? I'm a simple person..hence my brain cannot accept complexity. I need a break..like for real..
Dear loving God..grant this servant of yours calmness and strength to face this dark hours..hopefully I can reach that blissful light and enlighten my soul..
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