Wednesday, October 2, 2013
How strange..the thing that I'm afraid the most is happening. My memories was covered up by a veil, almost too thick that I hardly recall anything. I've seen some part but blurred. How? why? I can't figure out why it is happening. The memories from my childhood, teens life, gradually fading..even the recent years, I'm starting to forget one by one.
yesterday, I accidentally met a guy whom existence used to be meaningful to me. Just yesterday I realized, I kind of forgetting how he looks like. Even worst he is right in front of me and I wonder who is this guy? I think I saw him somewhere..but where? Did I know him? he seems familiar? he looked at me with a familiar stare..so I tried my best to recall as I just passed by his side naturally, not feeling anything..then aft a few minutes I remember;
"oh, isn't he my crush..oh correction was once my crush? " I'm asking myself.
however, I thought I'm not sure because I could not remember much about his features other than being short and small.. his face is slightly similar..maybe? I looked back unknowingly and he did too..surprisingly like a dejavu it struck me..yes it is him.
There's a melancholic air as soon as our eyes met, I looked at him emotionless, he looked at me with the same way he always did. I felt like something is missing..and then I realized something is wrong because no more excited pounding within me, no more blushing..just empty..very empty. much worst I forgot how I felt back then towards him. empty as I tried to recall..I couldn't reach the black box. feels so near to grab and open it..but empty, box that sealed my memories is empty.
Luckily I still remember my family and my close friends...yes for now. Somehow losing my memories is like deleting my past, I don't have to hang on to them forever. It cast away my sad & happy moment. No worries, I just have to create a new one and hopefully this weird occurrences is just temporary and has nothing to do with brain disease.
Allah, spare me!