mental breakdown

unable..

woes greets me..
 unfolded

unable to resist

hope???

I lost it..

Hijrah..

suddenly out of nowhere me talking about Hijrah,,..hehe after such a long time didn't write anything in this blog..
actually during prophetic class today we learned about "HIJRAH" which means moving from one place to another place (literaly), or technically defined as changing from bad to good or separating oneself from nonsense. well, that's what I heard during our discussion in the class. but that's not the point.

yesterday I dreamt about something that opened my heart to truly accepted that I REALLY NEED TO CHANGE.

In my dream~~~~

I saw one guy reciting Al-Fatihah while he sat on a stone.later he approached and me told me...

Him: wear hijab and many good things will happen to you afterwards. Allah had given you many hidayah but you refused to accept it. you rather chose the wrong path. this time you must decide which path do you want to lead your life. the straight path or the other.

he then handed me Al-Qur'an with gold coloured cover. I saw myself crying non-stop..

Him: I know that you are a good girl. its just that you choose a wrong path in your life. follow the path that Allah had shown you. All your tears for all this time and before will be replace with happiness.

he smiled and walked away. then he stopped again at a distant and again reciting "bismillahirrahmanirrahim.....ihdinas siratal mustakim" one of the verses in surah Al-Fatihah.  and then raised his right hand and said "remember".

when I woke up..I grabbed the holy Qur'an and find the first surah..I then cried.

so, now I decided to fully covered my aurah. before I dream about this, actually I already have the idea to wear hijab in mind and has the intention to wear it....but I'm just wasn't sure if I'am ready or not because I afraid of doing things half-heartedly or not sincere enough. but now I'am 100% sure that my heart is sincere for the sake of Allah.

Alhamdulillah. May Allah Bless Me.

accidentally poetic...

surviving the terror

criticizing the mirror

harmonizing the error

let thy soul sparks

though ain't tough as the barks

say it breaks

say it cracks

dry....

wry....

cry....

please..

oh bliss..

untangle.

ps: I pray to thy Lord of all creatures...Allah the sustainer..

let not my heart shattered into a vast foul of woe.

treasure hunt & baling selipar

alkisahhhhhnyerrrrr....today is a celebration of Benl family day..for those who don't know what is Benl stand for..its is actually stand for - bachelor of English language & literature- in short we are an english major...

so at first we were just registered for the treasure hunt game...since I thought its gonna be awesome...

yup its is overly awesome and tiring and guess what, they make us go around all buildings in Uia..so we've been running like crazy to all checkpoints that was located at all different buildings that resembles all courses..seriously..they should change the name of the game to explore race..that one suits the game better...we was the fastest to finish all task..except when we were stuck at the kaed checkpoint to solve Sudoku...hell yeah..it was so difficult..we couldn't finish it at the duration of 5 minutes..so we were given penalty to waits 10 minutes before we can continue running to the next checkpoint..everything runs smoothly without we realizing that the piece of puzzle was the clue to the final checkpoint..we were so stupid for thinking like ohh we just have to head back to where we start...the worst of all is when we finally realized that the last checkpoint was located at nusaibah's killing stairs...gosh..after running like crazy and then we have to climbs up the stairs...wooohhhhhhh...its was so so so hard..I'm suffering A LOT FOR IT...but get NOTHING in return..so we just got FOURTH PLACE PEEPS....I was so disappointed..so finish with treasure hunt story..

those pic above was after we finish the treasure hunt...we've got our faces turn red..so damn tiring...

we can't even smile ( I mean really smile to the fullest) due to being exhausted...

after that..believe it or not we then registered for baling selipar game..haha, x padan ngan penat..pinggang nak patah sume..we're just thinking that ala..we can do better this time...konon nak tebus balik kekalahan kat tresure hunt tuhh...so we play 3 game..one game 3 set..altogether we played 9 SET OKEYYHHH....aq mase first..sumpah blurred since it was my first time playing that game..even after all the instruction and rules briefing..I still can't get it..so the first game was my trial...we didn't do better...and I regret it..the second game was great...the third was quite okey la...but we couldn't make it to the final...so we LOSE AGAIN!!!

I can say that I was disappointed for the 2nd time...sobsobsobsob...again ,we only gain the tiredness and exhaustedness...wooooooo..we are so loser today...

overall..alaaaaaaa...even though we din't win anything...well its not easy to gather with friends..so this is the moment that I will remember having fun with friends and to get close with some of friends that before this I never greet or talk to...okey la kan...duit terbang byk la jugak, still I'm so HAPPY..( broken inside a lil bit)..

p/s:next time..I mean next Benl family day we MUST WIN..hahhaahahaha..ada unsur2 ketidakpuashatian sdikit....

.......the end.....

Don't let me fall..

It was narrated by Ibn Sina on the authority of Abi Qutada (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah, Allah (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “whoever reads the verse of the Throne (ayat al-kursi) and the khawatam of Surat al-Baqara at the time of distress, Allah will help him.”


It is narrated by al-Khatib on the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that if the Prophet Allah (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) were concerned with a matter he would find the Prophet Allah (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) praying, wiping his head with his right hand, and saying: "Bismillah al-ladhi la illaha ghayrahu al-rahman al-raheem, allahumma adhhab ‘anni al-hamm wal huzn. (In the name of Allah there is no god other than Him, the Merciful and Compassionate, O Allah take away worries and grief.)

as the saying of yours grabbed my entire

I watched the skies fall hard on me..

I saw you smile like the blooming flowers

watching me grieving in sorrowful days

I starred back asking for your mercy

you still smiling looking at my teary eyes

I break shattered broken with regretful

letting go all of my might...

spare me..spare me..spare me..

spells and curses surrounded me

cast away your magic words 

and blow away the misty foes.