sólo quiera decir lamentable

I ignored my fon for weeks..
I ignored e fact dat my topup has run out..
I don't know where I put my fon..
I didn't notice I silent ma fon..
then...."U have 10 miscall..n messages to look at"
shussss...ma mom might think I've been kidnapped...
some people might think I want to avoid them..
damn!!!!


my mom terasa hati
my mom merajuk...                                                               
gaaa....problem lagi...
but still she worried about me...
ape nak jadi la kat haqu nie..






dear myself,
u r not the only living things in this huge world..
please mind that there r other people out there
and they're fucking worried about u..
especially ur family...
just want to remind u to always check ur fon
and never forget to give them a call...
no matter how busy u r...

weyyyyy wake up la......
wake upppppp and look around!!!
why are you being so ignorant????


ni rasa marah kat diri sendiri.. :[
forgive me mom..I didn't meant to hurt or ignored you..
I knew you are just worried whether I still have money, whether 
I eat well. whether I sleep well..whether everything went smoothly
for me...I knew that...thnxxx anyway but please understand that for the past 2 weeks I didn't even have time for myself..so many things to do..
bunch of them n much worst redundant...so sorry..me don't want to be
anak derhaka...
mamá lamentable de todo.. Seré una muchacha buena

treasure hunt & baling selipar

alkisahhhhhnyerrrrr....today is a celebration of Benl family day..for those who don't know what is Benl stand for..its is actually stand for - bachelor of English language & literature- in short we are an english major...

so at first we were just registered for the treasure hunt game...since I thought its gonna be awesome...

yup its is overly awesome and tiring and guess what, they make us go around all buildings in Uia..so we've been running like crazy to all checkpoints that was located at all different buildings that resembles all courses..seriously..they should change the name of the game to explore race..that one suits the game better...we was the fastest to finish all task..except when we were stuck at the kaed checkpoint to solve Sudoku...hell yeah..it was so difficult..we couldn't finish it at the duration of 5 minutes..so we were given penalty to waits 10 minutes before we can continue running to the next checkpoint..everything runs smoothly without we realizing that the piece of puzzle was the clue to the final checkpoint..we were so stupid for thinking like ohh we just have to head back to where we start...the worst of all is when we finally realized that the last checkpoint was located at nusaibah's killing stairs...gosh..after running like crazy and then we have to climbs up the stairs...wooohhhhhhh...its was so so so hard..I'm suffering A LOT FOR IT...but get NOTHING in return..so we just got FOURTH PLACE PEEPS....I was so disappointed..so finish with treasure hunt story..

those pic above was after we finish the treasure hunt...we've got our faces turn red..so damn tiring...

we can't even smile ( I mean really smile to the fullest) due to being exhausted...

after that..believe it or not we then registered for baling selipar game..haha, x padan ngan penat..pinggang nak patah sume..we're just thinking that ala..we can do better this time...konon nak tebus balik kekalahan kat tresure hunt tuhh...so we play 3 game..one game 3 set..altogether we played 9 SET OKEYYHHH....aq mase first..sumpah blurred since it was my first time playing that game..even after all the instruction and rules briefing..I still can't get it..so the first game was my trial...we didn't do better...and I regret it..the second game was great...the third was quite okey la...but we couldn't make it to the final...so we LOSE AGAIN!!!

I can say that I was disappointed for the 2nd time...sobsobsobsob...again ,we only gain the tiredness and exhaustedness...wooooooo..we are so loser today...

overall..alaaaaaaa...even though we din't win anything...well its not easy to gather with friends..so this is the moment that I will remember having fun with friends and to get close with some of friends that before this I never greet or talk to...okey la kan...duit terbang byk la jugak, still I'm so HAPPY..( broken inside a lil bit)..

p/s:next time..I mean next Benl family day we MUST WIN..hahhaahahaha..ada unsur2 ketidakpuashatian sdikit....

.......the end.....

called it wondering!!!

today was one of the worst day ever...my head was cramped from sitting all alone and with all the noises around and the fact that i'am being along all by myself sitting at the red chair waiting for my next class. its kind of "tutttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt", seriously I felt the tension of waiting about 1 n half hour alone. it seems like being alone and no one to talk to was like a ladder of reaching the most calm state of mind which called crazy or going nuts. surprisingly, when I was wondering alone observing those people who passed by, suddenly I'm thinking that what if I dance in the crowd which is hell crazy....of course people might assumed that I'm out of my mind. I read a novel but can't focus because of the surrounding that was too noisy and crowded. I was then tried to play a game on the cellphone but also not working  bcoz I'm still can't get the boredom or the tense out of my head. 


I came to fathom of if somehow in the future, I will go through my life with being alone and no companion at all. my life will be dull..of course it is, since I have decided to run away from any kind of relationship or involved with lots of people....In simple words I can say that I want to "totally seclude myself"...its my apt for my future.
I've lost all those roaring vigour in me long time ago that made me decided to be like that in the future. its because the more I associates with people the more problem will encountered my life and of course me ain't cause any chaos with anybody anymore. I juz want a simple and quiet life, no burden, nothing to be worry of, no commitment at all. yaa...thats it...I prefer that one even if I will be mentally tortured by loneliness..lone some...boredom...its okay since it is a safe play...even so..its juz some sort of future planning since I'am not a God...



ps: oh God guide me please...my heart turns out to be as hard as the stone....the scars from the past can't never be lured of...please open my heart to accept happiness again.

...............

HUMPTY  DUMPTY ON THE ROLE

TRIED TO PLAY SAFE ON THE WALL

AS THE WIND BLOWS SO HE FALL

LIFE AND DEAD IS A GAME AFTER ALL


P/s: humans are bound by ties of fate and only faith can lead them out of stray path,
keep them under control and freed them from dead end. That's what what I hold on right now..

The Poet..

it was him who made her

it was him who inspired her

it was him who created this side of her

it was him...who born the poet

so many things to say to him

so many things about him 

so many things to share to him

so many things about him...

the 'so many things'...

was left unspoken ..

and muted  her lips..

startled her mind..

she was speechless most of the time..

but her heart was going to explode

with the unbearable confession

over limits of tons of words

tons of morphemes and tons of letters..

a piece of paper..

a piece of feeling..

a piece of memory..

a piece of remember..

translated..conveyed..

into a masterpiece..

that only her heart can 

understand the language..

language of a poet..

Don't let me fall..

It was narrated by Ibn Sina on the authority of Abi Qutada (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah, Allah (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “whoever reads the verse of the Throne (ayat al-kursi) and the khawatam of Surat al-Baqara at the time of distress, Allah will help him.”


It is narrated by al-Khatib on the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that if the Prophet Allah (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) were concerned with a matter he would find the Prophet Allah (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) praying, wiping his head with his right hand, and saying: "Bismillah al-ladhi la illaha ghayrahu al-rahman al-raheem, allahumma adhhab ‘anni al-hamm wal huzn. (In the name of Allah there is no god other than Him, the Merciful and Compassionate, O Allah take away worries and grief.)

as the saying of yours grabbed my entire

I watched the skies fall hard on me..

I saw you smile like the blooming flowers

watching me grieving in sorrowful days

I starred back asking for your mercy

you still smiling looking at my teary eyes

I break shattered broken with regretful

letting go all of my might...

spare me..spare me..spare me..

spells and curses surrounded me

cast away your magic words 

and blow away the misty foes.

sadness... another test from Him...

Be not sad, surely Allah is with us




Allah has asked us not be sad. He says:
"So do not become weak (against your enemy), nor be sad.…"
[surah Al-Imran - Ayah 139].


"And grieve not over them (polytheists and pagans, etc.), and be not
distressed because of what they plot.."
[surah An-Nahl - Ayah 127].

"Be not sad (or afraid), surely Allâh is with us."
[surah At-Taubah - Ayah 40].


We are informed in the following verse about the believers that:
"…. there shall be no fear on them, nor shall they grieve."
[surah Al-Baqarah - Ayah 38].

Sadness enervates the spirit’s will to action, paralysing the body into inactivity. The secret of this is that sadness prevents one from action instead of compelling one towards it. The heart benefits nothing through grief. The most beloved thing to the Devil is to make the worshipper sad in order to prevent him from continuing on his path. Allah says:
" Secret counsels (conspiracies) are only from Shaitân (Satan), in order that he may cause grief to the believers."
[surah Al-Mujadilah – Ayah 10].