Sweet Dreams

"And remember in your dream Allah showed them to you as a few: if He had

shown them to you as many, you would surely have been discouraged,

and you will surely have disputed in (your) decision; but Allah saved

(you) for He knows well the (secrets) of (all) hearts.

[verse 8:43)

PS: Allah knows!

called it wondering!!!

today was one of the worst day ever...my head was cramped from sitting all alone and with all the noises around and the fact that i'am being along all by myself sitting at the red chair waiting for my next class. its kind of "tutttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt", seriously I felt the tension of waiting about 1 n half hour alone. it seems like being alone and no one to talk to was like a ladder of reaching the most calm state of mind which called crazy or going nuts. surprisingly, when I was wondering alone observing those people who passed by, suddenly I'm thinking that what if I dance in the crowd which is hell crazy....of course people might assumed that I'm out of my mind. I read a novel but can't focus because of the surrounding that was too noisy and crowded. I was then tried to play a game on the cellphone but also not working  bcoz I'm still can't get the boredom or the tense out of my head. 


I came to fathom of if somehow in the future, I will go through my life with being alone and no companion at all. my life will be dull..of course it is, since I have decided to run away from any kind of relationship or involved with lots of people....In simple words I can say that I want to "totally seclude myself"...its my apt for my future.
I've lost all those roaring vigour in me long time ago that made me decided to be like that in the future. its because the more I associates with people the more problem will encountered my life and of course me ain't cause any chaos with anybody anymore. I juz want a simple and quiet life, no burden, nothing to be worry of, no commitment at all. yaa...thats it...I prefer that one even if I will be mentally tortured by loneliness..lone some...boredom...its okay since it is a safe play...even so..its juz some sort of future planning since I'am not a God...



ps: oh God guide me please...my heart turns out to be as hard as the stone....the scars from the past can't never be lured of...please open my heart to accept happiness again.

SMILE PLEZZZ?????

alkisah..
senyum, smile, it shows ur personality..the way u smile describe what kind of person u are. sebenarnya before2 nie dah pernah dah dgr orang cakap aq senyum x ikhlas la..sume la..but I am sincere dear people..but dah mmg mcm tu cara aq senyum..but that's not the issue la this time...

the issue here is when strangers told me "dik senyum skit..manis skit muke tue"
perghhhhhh..I was like..ea???? huh??? what the fish tetibe..those words make me embarrassing and down
sbb aq jadi terpk la kan..why???muka aq masam sangat ker?? muka aq garang sangat ker?? muka aq ketat sgt ker?? muka aq...byk punya muka la pulak..dah dah dah...aq jadik rendah diri...

tapi bila pk balik kan..xkan la kita nak senyum manjang..cam sewel la pulak..tambah2 kalau senyum kat org kita x kenal..memalukan..kang dia ingat kita nie x betul..kalau senyum ngan dak lelaki x kenal dapat cop mohor gedik la pulak kan..hahhh!!! see!!!

so conclusion nyer..aq mmg xle nak ubah habit aq...walaupon sentap dgr org cakap bende tu kat aq..pa boleh buat...nak practice senyum slalu bukan sng..susah...so let me be myself and accept me the way I am kay...

sincerely,
me yang susah nak senyum