He Knows better...

''You might be married to the worst man ever, like Asyah was married to Pharaoh... but it didn’t change her and her loyalty and love to Allah.

You might be married to the best of men, like the Prophets of God, and still not enter Heaven... like the wife of Nabi Lut a.s.

You might not get married to any man, like Maryam (alaiha salam), and Allah can make your rank higher than any woman on Earth."

Strive in the way of Allah, don't worry about your marriage. That matter has already been decreed for you''

~ Sheikh Ahmad Dede Pattisahusiwa

ps: nie haqu cilok dr status kwn kat fb (meen)...

x semua yang kita nak kita dapat kan..semua org nakkan yang terbaik..tp x selalunya kita dpt yang terbaik...ape pon setiap yang telah d tentukan oleh Allah itu ade hikmah disebaliknya...sesungguhnya Allah maha mengetahui :)

called it wondering!!!

today was one of the worst day ever...my head was cramped from sitting all alone and with all the noises around and the fact that i'am being along all by myself sitting at the red chair waiting for my next class. its kind of "tutttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt", seriously I felt the tension of waiting about 1 n half hour alone. it seems like being alone and no one to talk to was like a ladder of reaching the most calm state of mind which called crazy or going nuts. surprisingly, when I was wondering alone observing those people who passed by, suddenly I'm thinking that what if I dance in the crowd which is hell crazy....of course people might assumed that I'm out of my mind. I read a novel but can't focus because of the surrounding that was too noisy and crowded. I was then tried to play a game on the cellphone but also not working  bcoz I'm still can't get the boredom or the tense out of my head. 


I came to fathom of if somehow in the future, I will go through my life with being alone and no companion at all. my life will be dull..of course it is, since I have decided to run away from any kind of relationship or involved with lots of people....In simple words I can say that I want to "totally seclude myself"...its my apt for my future.
I've lost all those roaring vigour in me long time ago that made me decided to be like that in the future. its because the more I associates with people the more problem will encountered my life and of course me ain't cause any chaos with anybody anymore. I juz want a simple and quiet life, no burden, nothing to be worry of, no commitment at all. yaa...thats it...I prefer that one even if I will be mentally tortured by loneliness..lone some...boredom...its okay since it is a safe play...even so..its juz some sort of future planning since I'am not a God...



ps: oh God guide me please...my heart turns out to be as hard as the stone....the scars from the past can't never be lured of...please open my heart to accept happiness again.

Dear Dad

Dear dad,

4 years had passed since the last time I saw u lying peacefully without saying any words, nor smiling but yet u don't even stop me from crying out loud till one moment I almost lose my breath and my asthma attack almost make my heart stop functioning..that day was the first and the last time I ever kissed your forehead. it was your funeral day right??? thank God I made it on time and I almost missed seeing you for the last time before your body buried.

I always imagined when I was a child, that one day I want to see your proud face and your teary eyes watching me on my convocation day if I ever made it to the university and get a degree. yup....I made it..you were happy don't you??? I told you before that I wanna earned lots of money and I'll buy anything for you..shoes,clothes or even new car...even during your birthday I'll will make you the happiest father in the earth. that was my promised. but how am I supposed to keep it when you're no longer here???

now I'm living a good life and you know I've changed a lot..meeting new friends that help me to be better. I won't do anything that will make you worry about me or even make you ashamed for having such daughter.
no matter where you are. I always pray to God that you will be happy. if you still here, you would be surprised to see how much I've grow and change. but changing for good which for me you would be very happy and proud. happy fathers day and happy belated birthday. I love with all my heart and soul. grant me your blessing so that my life will be blessed. I have quiz and oral test tomorrow and exam later, so, wish me luck and again I love.thank you for everything.


                                                                                                                          with love,
                                                                                                                          Ida, your naughty daughter

The Poet..

it was him who made her

it was him who inspired her

it was him who created this side of her

it was him...who born the poet

so many things to say to him

so many things about him 

so many things to share to him

so many things about him...

the 'so many things'...

was left unspoken ..

and muted  her lips..

startled her mind..

she was speechless most of the time..

but her heart was going to explode

with the unbearable confession

over limits of tons of words

tons of morphemes and tons of letters..

a piece of paper..

a piece of feeling..

a piece of memory..

a piece of remember..

translated..conveyed..

into a masterpiece..

that only her heart can 

understand the language..

language of a poet..

untitled...

carried away by the burden of the past..

witnessed by those creature of heaven 

but they are mute...silent killer perhaps

as the main lead....I stare back

the silent game start!!!!

playing God, God plays..

 seems like revolution takes place

I wonder if I ever be grateful

am I playing God..

or God plays..fooled me..

I've tried to break the hardness or rock..

its impossible as decaying the plastic..

might be possible..

but then I have to bear for hundred years..

God says so...

me says this...

quit throwing the karma..

and let me playing God..

me ain't grateful..

me ain't guilty

me ain't against you..

noted already..

your highness..

stop playing your roles

and I stop asking for more

let the calmness takes place

drives me away from the craze

for only once..

let me playing God.

screamin' for 911..

My heart screaming for 911 everyday..heart disease a.k.a heart broken disease..it shattered around in pieces..so how do I make it better, knot it or make it breathe again??? arghhhh "I need a doctor..call me a doctor..doctor..and bring me back to life"-by Eminem, unrequited love so called confusion that need rationality in making decision...,what am I babbling about??? I don't know either.. I met a doctor last night..

doctor: what can I do for u??

me: give me an advice.

doctor: ooo..so tell me what is it that keep bothering u??

me: heart disease..my brain rationality now are out of normality.

doctor: sounds so serious.u need a treatment asap.

me: stupid u, I just need an advice. I'm having an accident few months back with some guy in which my heart crushed with his heart. since that accident, my brain cannot function normally and keep bothering by stupid order that breaks the normality of my body system. 

doctor: it is a special cases. I've never heard of this kind before. tell me more.

me: my body giggles, my face blushing, my knees cannot hold my weight, I cannot focus in doing anything, reflex action at certain area like neck will suddenly turn left or right or my head was like fear of sth that suddenly will just facing down.sometimes my heart beating faster unconsciously that makes me lose my breath. what should I do doc???

doctor: hmmm...its so difficult to define and yet we may have the solution if u tell me when this kind of symptoms appear??

me: whenever I saw or passed by with the guy that I had the accident before. not just that, sometimes I felt like I saw him everywhere and I cannot stop myself from thinking about him. tell me what to do before it get worst.

doctor: u r having a hallucination..I see..hmm...I think I knew what had been bothering u. its true that this kind of disease classified under heart disease problem. its the worst type of all that we don't have a cure for it. it will bring side effect like mental problem but don't worry because u will not die because of this disease unless u cut urself. 

me: so doc, what can u conclude from that?? I still don't get it..

doctor: this is what we called LOVE.

ps: I will not seek help from doctor anymore, they can't be of any help.

cuti2 malaysia part2

alkisah..haqu buat pertama kalinya basuh berak anak sedara aq...woaaaahhhhh..mase tuh...
abg n kak ipar ade jer but my abg was sleeping n my kakak ipar was bathing..so it left me no choice..
nak xnak terpaksa gak..taik baby nasib bek cam jagung hancur jer..walaupon nak termuntah..aq tabahkan diri jer..fuhh..abg aq gelak n cakap..''ler..tu latihan la wey...ti ko ade anak senang..dah ade pengalaman..kan???'' sng jer die ckp..but lepas basuh berak dak wani..I think..errr xla susah sgt n not bad la..hehehe..tula bak kata pepatah x kenal maka x cinta...bukan nak cinta kat taik..but u won't feel it u less u give it a try..hehe..
tapi salunya dak wani x meragam but sebab gigi nak tumbuh sampaikan demam sume..asyik nangis jer..pastu makin mngade lak..kalau org x layan mule ar mulut mencebik pastu pura2 nangis..hehe sengal kot..kecik2 dah bt prangai..but u tetap comel wani sayang..hehe

nilah aktiviti haqu cuti nie..dok on9..sambil2 tgk movie...sambil2 jadi baby sitter,,hehe sometimes boring but better than just sleeping all day...kan3??? k la..thats all...

cuti2 malaysia part1

cuti o cuti...  alkisah nyer....
hahhh..cuti nie aq cam bese ar...dok kat melake mmg aq jd tuan puteri...
sebabbbbb....
1.bgun tgh hari...dah nak zuhur br bukak mate
2. bukak mate either my abang or my kakak ipar dah sediakan makanan..
    [ padahal bila bukak mate..dua2 dah off to work..sian dorg kan3?? ]
3.makan jer keje haqu...xpon sambung balik membute..bukan membabi-bute
jgn salah faham ya d ctu..hahaha..
4. my activities r..dok melayan internet n tv sampai mate berair..

aktiviti len2 yang membakar lemak r...
~ari tue my bro cuti 2 hari..so dia amek la anak die c wani tue....rindu la kan..bkan salu dpt jumpe..
nak harap adik die sorg ni jage (haqu ler tu),,mmg die takot...bkn takot baby tue naya..tapi takut aq yang pengsan..haha..so bila die dpt cuti jer die amek...aq pon tolong sikit2 ler,,tu pon dah cukup membakar lemak gue n menyakitkan sendi2 n merapuhkan tulang2 gue..
~malam tadi g lepak2 ma abang n kwn2 die..minum2 pastu g tengok kwn2 die memancing kat pulau melake..
bosan ga ar..but suke tgk view kat situ..malam2 nmpak cantik jer...

ps: yang pasti cuti nie aq sangat2 unproductive...x sabar nak start short sem..at least xla aq cam nak giler dok umah sorng2....

coretan memories...

sok gua exam k..tapi malas nak baca...ada 6 play..

seriously dah muak ngan bende nih..yelah ngan term paper lagi

ari tuh..sampai kering otak haqu..mane x muak..kan3???

even so..still i will do my best for exam drama tomorrow..

lagipon last paper of this semester..so mesti all out...

gud luck to me n my fren..harap2 x stress jawab exam esok..

GANBATE KUDASAI!!!!

sok pas exam gerak blek melaka..haiyooo..

sdih sbb x dpt blek sabah..lgpon cuti 3 mggu jer..

kalau blek sana pon rugi duit jer beli tiket flight..

barang2 aq x kemas2 ag..br packing satu beg..

whyy???? ntah...malas lar...

sok pas exam br packing..sempat jer pon..kan...

Im gonna miss this room..3 sem bermastautin kat cni..

I love this room but kne pindah...

I'll try to love my new room....

ps: hopefully sok dpt buat yang terbaik..risau sbb carrymark drama just cukup2 makan jer..

n hopefully this semester break..Im gonna purify my messy head n come back clean

for the next short semester...

calm...

aq malas dah nak mengamok2 nih...penat..konfem2 la skrg aq tgh tension n x puas hati...
but this time nak simpan dalam jer la....bio la reput kat jiwa...nih masa bukak tumbler..
jumpa pic yg comeyyyy sgt2...sgt sukeeeee la...one day nak lukis camni la...
mesti best punyer.....i loikee..hehe...sape2 tengok mesti tenang jer hati....

seraaaammmm...setanggi???

cam hari2 besa..aq dok sorg2 kat bilik...

bila bukak mata jer..bilik dah kosong....

maybe sume roommate g exam kot..

aq jer yg boleh dok tdo nyenyak pdhal exam esok..

hehe..manusia x sedar diri..tulll

aq pon dok men game..dgr seruan Azan trus g solat...

kang delay2..jadi malas lak..

nak dijadikan cite..aq salu baca quran lepas solat zuhur..

ntah nape bukan maghrib..bab aq suke lah!!!

tgh menghayati baca dgn nada sederhana...

tertibe jerrrr...aq bau WANGI sgt2 menusuk hidung..

aq buat derk sbb ingat bau sabun dr toilet..

[bilik dekat sgt ngan toilet]

lgpon mase aq amek wuduq..mck cleaner tgh cuci toilet..

so malas nak layan...

lame2...bau tuh makin kuat menusuk2 hidung aq...

aq dah pelik...

terdetik dalam hati...

''kuat jugak ea bau sabun cuci tuh"

pastu br prasan bau x mcm sabun cuci lgsg..

terdetik lagi..

"sape ea punya minyak wangi nie..yg pasti bukan aq..

dak bilik sume kuar, xkan tumpah kuuttt""

pastu aq tarik nafas sedalam2nye nak mengenal pasti bau tuh...

sambil bace larrr...aq x stop lgsg....

tertibe terdetik for the last time n yakin sgt2...

"ini cam bau setanggi jer nie..bende tuh mmg wangi kut..

lgpon mase arwah ayah aq meninggal...hari2 aq hidu bende nie..""

OPPPPSIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE...

aq dah cuak tambah2 lagi bau tuh makin kuat..

perghhh...tertibe meremaang bulu roma...

nada bacaan Quran aq makin tinggi dan kencang...

bt2 cam bese walaupon gegar lutut...

x lama pastu..beberapa minit kemudian bau tu pon hilang...

ALHAMDULILLAH..bersyukur sgt2...

Io sono triste oggi

affligy , dysoly , peiny , triste

that's how I describe it...

the wind hasn't blowing yet

but the moon already crying..

raindrop stuck in the cloud

for fear of causing another flood

or maybe can cause another tsunami..

adumbration stood there like a statue

entering authority of fresh virgin..

"u can't refuse or switch it off like that??"

its not easy as if u were blowing the flame of a match stick

but my mother's womb keep on screaming

"ma peddih..ma peddih..ulu' ku"

then...lights off, shuts the door..

lock the room..

ends of the story...

"wewen's voice"